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Monday, February 13, 2012



verb (used with object)
to hold or treat as dear; feel love for: to cherish one's native land.
to care for tenderly; nurture: to cherish a child.
to cling fondly or inveterately to: to cherish a memory.

Perhaps because I'm deaf, I spend a lot of time observing people.  And one of my favorite people I like to observe is older, happily married couples.  You can tell by their faces that they are happy.  Being married a long time doesn't automatically qualify you for being happily married, on the contrary a lot of older couples seem quite miserable.  They almost seem like they are competing to see who can insult each other  the most.  It's certainly uncomfortable to witness these demeaning displays.  It's also unpleasant to watch women treat their husbands like they are children, and usually naughty ones at that. Or the butt of family jokes.  How many times have you seen the mom and children making a joke at the dad's expense, while poor dad stands there looking totally out of the loop, like he's an outsider in his own family?  You see this on TV a lot;  dad , the big dumb doofus, that wouldn't be able to tie his own shoes if it weren't for his smart (i.e. controlling) wife telling him how to do it.  Unfortunately these are the younger generations role models.  We went from pre-feminism days when men really could be bruts, to now the pendulum has swung so far in the other direction, husbands almost seem irrelevant. 

So what makes a happy marriage?  First a marriage is a covenant   between two people.  Two.  I love to watch those bride shows because I like to see the pretty dresses and flowers, but it seems that most of these young women echo the idea that the wedding is "all about me".  Better to concentrate less on the wedding and more on the marriage. It's a partnership.  Decisions aren't divided 80-20, or even 50-50.    Nope, it's 100-100.  Marriage is all about the two of you and it should be taken seriously.  Such silly vows people make.  Whatever  happened to the traditional ones?  There was a reason for their longevity. They are a good guideline for marriages.  One of the vows you rarely hear now days is the one to cherish each other.
Cherishing someone and loving them are two different things.  Cherishing someone means to be honored to be part of that union.  It means wanting to do the best for them.  Honoring them with respect.  Treasuring your time together.  Being grateful that of all the people on Earth he chose you.  And vice-versa!  These are the couple that smile on their 50th wedding anniversary photograph. These are the couples that remain together through the thick and the thin. These are the couples that are happy!


  1. True, true, true! (for each paragraph!) Cherish should be the focus of Valentine's day. Very nice, Jane. It has gotten me thinking that I shouldn't roll my eyes at my husband so much when he does something I don't like :) After all, when the last kid goes, I don't want to end up like those couples (you mentioned) that seem to hate each other! And it could so easily happen. I've seen it alot. Thanks for making me think! love,andrea

    1. I see it all the time too Andrea. And even among good Christian families. It seems that we woman, put all their effort into being good and caring mothers that once the children leave the nest, there's not much of a marriage left. Just two people living together in the same house. Personal bugaboo is when I hear women call their husbands dad. And vice versus. Which I was reminded of the other day when my husband called me mom and I reminded him that I am not nor will I ever be his mother. (To be fair he was talking to my son and not directly to me.)

  2. I love this, it is so true! I remember my grandfather used to say if he wasn't so old, he would divorce my grandmother. I'm not sure if he was serious or not ... (He was in his 80s at the time). Being a newlywed, I agree with everything you said about weddings! We tried to make our wedding a culmination of who BOTH of us are! I love watching older couples too, you can tell who really is happy! I hope in our future we are still the team that we are now! (our "theme" of the wedding was "Team Bee" - which is where the "healthybeehive" comes from!)

    1. I'm sure with that attitude you will be Jane! Love that you used the word "team" in your theme. That's what marriage is!

  3. Hi husband reminds me I'm not his mom on mother's day.
    He is mostly joking...he still brings home a gift. (But if you think of is true!)....Actually when the kids were real little he used to take them out somewhere so I could experience a quiet house...that was heavenly for me! love,andrea

    1. I think I might have said the same thing to Ran, Andrea! But I do love him because he's a good father, just not mine! I never suffered from the empty nest syndrome. I was quite happy when the boys were on their own and had somebody else to worry over them.

  4. What makes a happy marriage? When you realize that he is part of you and you are part of him! This takes such a surrender to Our Lord's guidance. Thank you for sharing this post Jane.


    1. Yes, and once you have found the one you are to share your life with, always treat them with the love an respect that such a person deserves!

  5. Inside Of Me

    If you could see inside my soul
    see inside my heart
    you would know how I long for you
    whenever we're apart

    If you could see inside my head
    if thoughts were things to see
    you would know how I cherish you
    how much you mean to me

    In all the ways you comfort me
    the way you hold me near
    the way you know just what to do
    to chase away my fear

    The sparkle in your beautiful eyes
    your smile, laugh, your touch
    are just a few of many reasons
    I love you oh so much

    Knowing I can talk to you
    about any and everything
    and knowing together we will get
    through whatever life may bring

    I could search the whole world over
    and this I know is true
    I would never find another love
    like the love I found with you

    Though with each new day, each sunrise
    we can't know what's in store
    there is one thing I know for sure
    each day I love you more

    So if you could see inside my head
    if thoughts were things to see
    you would know I blessed I feel
    to have you here with me

    - Written and owned by Jay Scott
    I was looking for the right words to say this morning and I think that this sums it up better than I could say.
    Happy Valentines Day!

    1. Thank you! I love and cherish you too! How's that for public declarations? Just as good as renewing our wedding vows!

  6. Dear Jane,

    Wow, how can I top the last comment? ;) Here's to cherishing all that we hold day, including our differences!



    p.s. Happy Valentine's Day to you and your sweetie.

    1. Thank you Marqueta. Happy Valentine's Day to you too. Is your dear little family going to celebrate in any special way?

  7. Dear Jane ~ what a beautiful, uplifting post. I too, love seeing older, happily married couples. Marriage is a lifetime commitment through all kinds of happenings. Love can and does grow stronger through the years. None of us are perfect, it's a daily give and take. Love, laugh, encourage, forgive, be patient, communicate, listen, all ingredients for a happy, loving marriage.

    I loved your DH's comment to you.

    Have a lovely Valentine's day.

    Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

  8. Very wonderful points, Rainey! Hope you enjoy your lovely meal with your husband. I know you will. Happy Valentine's Day to you too!

  9. Thee was moved to speak to me today, Jane! :)

    Happy Valentine's Day!



    1. Is that what moved me? Ha! I'm always determined to keep this blog light and never write anything deeper than "It snowed today.", but then something comes over me and I write something like this. Too much time on my hands I guess!

  10. Love this post about Cherishing! So important to remember. Me and my husband both notice how TV makes dads look like goofs, it is one of our pet peeves about modern TV shows. We have also noticed that with modern kid's shows it is both parents, the Mom and Dad, made to look like complete, out of touch, dumb dumbs, so sad, where are the role models! I remember the parents on shows when I was a kid where always pretty respected, and made to look smart, Mr. Brady in his den working etc. kids going to him for advice, Pa & Ma Ingalls of course- and the shows from my Mom's generation that I watched on repeat, like Father knows Best, My Three Sons, Leave it to Beaver- nice respectable parents. Best to just buy old TV shows on DVD for the kids. I also agree with you about the traditional vows, I love them, and agree that there is a reason they have stood the test of time. :) Hope you had a Happy Valentines Day!!

  11. Oh I loved Mike Douglas on My Three Sons. Wasn't he just a wonderful father? I did have a very wonderful Valentine's Day. Thanks for asking! All of my sons and my granddaughter called and told me they loved me. Can't get any better than that!

    1. Whoops! Meant Steve Douglas! Mike was the talk show host. Lved him too!

  12. Replies
    1. Thanks Sandy! How's the charity knitting coming?

  13. Once again you've nailed the heart of the matter Jane. Well said.

    Blessings, Debbie

  14. Hi Jane, this is such a beautiful post, cherishing our mate is such an important and meaningful part of being married. I agree too, it is so sad that the husband's and father's roles are looked at with such disrespect today. You really put your finger on an issue that is at the root of so many others. As always, beautifully expressed Jane! Have a great evening ahead, and thanks for the get well wishes, they really made my day. Delisa :) P.S. I'm gargling the salt water! Thanks for the tip. :)

    1. Glad it's helping Delisa! Our old family doctor used to suggest that. Sorry, I can't help mothering people!

  15. I read this with some conviction, I must say. Both my grandmas did treat their husbands like they were children. One grandma would call her husband "shorty" and we would just about die laughing, because he was short, though you could tell he didn't like it. How sad. Cherish is such a good word. Great post.

    1. My grandmother used to mutter under her breath about my grandpa all the time. One of the great family mysteries is why those two ever married, they were polar opposites.