Well, This is Embarassing

Hello dear friends!  Well ,this is embarrassing.  How many times have I stopped and started this blog?  I'm pretty sure some of you are fed up with it.  Each time I do, I get less and less readership, not that t it's important to me, as this blog  has never been a vehicle to make money, push products or become popular.  And I bet that there's others out there that think I'm just doing this for attention. I assure you,  I'm not.  I never realized that there were people out there that actually enjoyed  my long-winded posts.  A lot of them are just random thoughts, that  can't even be labeled .  But since I decided to go private, I've heard from more people than my "followers" (hate that term) number would indicate I had.  I have to say, there's some pretty clever folks out there when it comes to tracking down where to contact me.  Did some of you work for the FBI? Ha!

I didn't stop this blog because of the hurtful comments, although I must admit it was quite a kick in the stomach to open a "friend's" blog and read a post about what a hateful negative person I was to write about quotes from politicians and Bible verses.  And the people that tout the mainstream media's line about those that protest against this quarantine " not caring about people".  When they wish death upon me or my family because I'm killing people by not falling in lockstep with the agenda, well, what can you say about such a "caring"  person?

But here's the truth about why I stopped blogging;  I don't like me when I respond to these people.  Due to my childhood experiences, that I've hinted at here and there,  when people criticize me and threaten me, my natural reaction is to cut them down a peg or two.  Even though  I know it's a defense mechanism, I just can't seem to stop myself.  I've prayed over it, I've analyzed it,  but the flesh is weak.  It is the trait I most despise in myself. I know that I need to follow the example of Jesus and turn the other cheek but I am so  so weak.   The only solution I can come up with is to not have this outlet to protect myself from my  own inner demon.  I didn't want to keep the blog open because  eventually, someone will leave a comment  and convince me to have another go at it.  I just didn't want to be persuaded anymore because it would just set me up for another failure.

But then people started contacting me  about how could they be included in the private blog and I thought perhaps some had hurt feelings because they felt they were being excluded.  As the person that has spent much of her life "looking through the window" at parties and such, while being left out, that is the very last thing on earth I wanted  to make anyone feel.

So here's the scoop.  I'm going to keep this blog open so those of you that want to access it can.  I may or may not write posts, don't know.  But I want the negative Nellies to know, I'm through arguing with you.  You want to write something negative, it will be deleted.  If you want to use this blog as  a  platform for your views you'll have to find it  somewhere else.  I've heard all my life, that you should be respectful of other people's views, and I look at the world around us, and wonder if that is true?  Right? There are some things in life that I don't think we should just respectfully agree to disagree with.. I'm not the greatest Biblical scholar, but I do recall that Jesus did throw the moneychangers out of the temple. I don't want to hear your views on why abortions are a right, your new-age philosophy of   "many paths to Heaven", and that we should give up our Constitutional rights for the sake of public health.   I can't argue you out of your views, and you sure can't make any argument  that will convince me otherwise.  I cannot pat you on the head and say "thank you for your view".  Why? Because these things are important. If you don't like what I stand for, by all means, feel free to not read, because I'm at the point of life, whether or not if someone "likes" me is of little concern.