HOW TO "ANTIQUE" A CHAIR

Just in case you didn't have enough things to do this December, you might want to spruce up some of your furniture.  Inspired by James Cramer, I've been painting my chairs in different shades of white.  With these tips,  you'll have that authentic, old-fashioned "grandma" look.

How to "antique" a chair

1.  Lighting is  important.  Choose the poorest lit room in the house for your project.  After the sun sets is the optimal time.

2.  The right tools are important also.  Purchase  your paintbrush from a dollar store, to ensure that many bristles will fall off while painting.

3.  Forget sanding.  The paint will stick to the varnished spots  won't it? This will give you the desired alligator effect that is so en vogue at the moment.

4.  Ditto for using a tack cloth.

5.  Have a small dog that sheds a lot (like a corgi) keep you company while painting.  Dog hair gives the paint job character.

6.  Slap the paint on in a lackadaisical manner.  Don't bother to catch the drips.  This will give your chair that old-timey  look just like Grandma used to have.

7.  Move the chair before the paint dries.  This guarantees that some paint will lift, replicating years of wear.

8.  Be ready to soak in the compliments that you receive from friends and neighbors, who marvel at your good fortune to find such a lovely "antique" chair with just the right amount of wear.