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Tuesday, December 6, 2016

DECEMBER 7th: Oh! CHRISTMAS TREE!

When I was a child, back when wolves still roamed throughout England, as Dylan Thomas would say, the day we put up the Christmas tree was one of the most anticipated days of the year.  Country  folks never spent "good money" on them, we all knew someone with a few acres that we cut one for free.  Unfortunately, the pretty,  nice trees were not to be touched, so we all had what we call swamp pines; twiggy, ornery, twisted unlovely trees that grew begrudgingly in the swamps and ditches. 

The very act of getting the stump into the stand was the first hurdle, for the tree always leaned and the trunks were always crooked.  After much sweat and I dare say swearing, my father would finally wrestle the tree into the stand and get it to stand at least half-way straight.  Next step was to get it into the house, which involved a lot of knocking pictures off walls and causing the tree to lose half of its sparse needles.  After that there would be a big debate about which side was the best and which was to be turned toward the wall.

Lights came next.  No one ever thought to put them away  neatly, so first order was to untangle the yards and yards of cord.  The bulbs were big and got hot. Really hot, like second degree burns if you touched them hot.  And back then engineers hadn't figured out how to wire them so the bulbs stayed on if one burnt out.  You had to go through each bulb and unscrew them and put in a replacement to find the clinker.  And woe to the person that used a blinker!   The blinking action wouldn't start right away, the lights had to warm up first, so many a times half the lights were strung on the tree before it was discovered that you had a blinking light bulb. Then you had to take off the lights and hunt for the dreaded blinker. And the plugs were like everything made post-war, big and heavy and made for utility.  Trying to hide them in the skimpy branches was a challenge.

By this time our parents were exhausted and the idea of a cozy evening by the fire decorating the tree had long flown out the window.  Ornaments were given over to the children to hang, which resulted in most being hung as high as a seven-year-old's reach.  It wasn't until we had finished hanging the last ornament that someone would discover that we hadn't put the angel on top.  Dad would climb up a ladder and reach into the tree, knocking off a third of the ornaments and making the tree list further to the right.

The final step was tinsel.  People don't use tinsel anymore, but back in the day of swamp pines with big gaping holes it was   a necessity.  We bought cartloads that had to be strung one strand at a time and draped just so over each branch.  Well, at least for the first hour of tinsel-applying,  after that it was thrown on by handfuls and we called it a day. 

Then we'd stand back and admire the tree,  the most beautiful sight we had ever seen.  By the end of the week, half the needles will have fallen off, but for one brief moment it was magical.

And that is why, dear younger-than-mes, when people wax poetically about real trees, I just sit back and enjoy my faux tree  No sweating, no swearing, no tinsel. And no sweeping up needles until Memorial Day!

Now this is a Christmas tree! 

42 comments:

  1. Oh dear, have you ever given a thought to writing a book? This was such a delight to read, I could be there, and that is the true test of an author's words!! I cannot remember a tree when I was a child, maybe the first one was when our daughters were young. But, down here, I look at trees with snow covered branches, drooping gracefully, the pine needles going back to the earth when all is done, and believe that is the best.

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  2. Second comment, when I say that down here when I see a snow covered tree, I really mean a tree in the far north, in your area, or further north, not down here in the far south where we have sunshine, sea water warm enough to swim in. hot days, our own Pohutukawa trees with red blooms, and hopefully blue skies every day.

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    1. Christmas must have an entire different set of memories for you, Jean. I was thinking the other day, I have what many consider a traditional American memory of Christmas, but what is traditional in other lands? It might seem foreign to others. It is interesting how we are all so different yet so much alike.

      Hugs
      Jane

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  3. I can only remember the one 'real' Christmas tree we had. I was about three and I remember feeling a bit bemused rather than impressed. I can remember my family being excited about it though. Later trees were the artificial variety and I can remember being more excited about them and their decorations.

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    1. I like that you were bemused, Sherri. Even as a kid you must have sensed the absurdity of it all. There's a comedian, Jim Gaffigan, that does a routine about decorating for Christmas, "We'll take the lights, and put them outside. We'll put a tree inside the house. Sounds like we're a bunch of drunks!" And when you think about it, it really doesn't make much sense.

      Hugs
      Jane

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  4. Yes!-- that is EXACTLY HOW IT WAS! ha ha LOL I do so remember it as you do. I loved this post, brought back many memories and it also made me laugh! And laughter is good, right? Have you wrapped any presents yet? Mercy, I am PROCRASTINATING BIG on that job.I do not like wrapping AT ALL. Mr. Front Porch usually does the box wrapping and I do the labels, ribbons, bows. It works for us. LOl What's your favorite and LEAST FAVORITE holiday job?

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    1. I don't have that many gifts to wrap, so wrapping doesn't bother me too much. Can't believe that when I was a kid, I used to beg my mother to wrap presents. Now I know why she so quickly agreed to it! I even thought it would be fun to work at a department store wrapping gifts. Not now!

      The job I really hate is packaging the gifts up for shipping out. Which I've been procrastinating for far too long on. That's on the schedule for this week.
      HUgs
      Jane

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  5. Ha! Good story telling there. We used tinsel too, but lacking ditches on Long Island, ours was a storebought Frazier fir. Nothing smells more like Christmas to me. There have been a few years with similar sounding trees... cedars cut on the homestead, or even a bare branch strung with lights, but these days, I usually wait another few days for the Frazier firs to go 1/2 price at Lowes. I love them, mess and all.

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    1. There is nothing like the smell of a fresh cut tree, I'll give you that Laurie. That's why I bring in lots of branches from outside. Hope your way goes well!

      Hugs
      Jane

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  6. Hi Jane,
    I wanted to leave a comment and tell you how mucho am enjoying your writings. Ijustdiscovered your blog and am reading backwards....so happy there's a lot to keep me entertained.

    Thanks for writing,
    Debra

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    1. And thank you for stopping in, Debra! And for leaving such a nice comment. Yes, there is a lot of posts on here to keep you busy for some time! I'm very long-winded, you'll discover)

      Hugs
      Jane

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  7. Good Morning Jane!
    This post is prize-worthy. Really. I just read it aloud to Goodman, and we both laughed and nodded, relived the past and thoroughly enjoyed it. Too bad all the youngun's have no idea what a Charlie Brown Christmas is really like.
    Thank you for sharing!
    Toni

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    1. If they ever want to see one, Toni, they should watch The Bishops Wife, with Cary Grant. That tree was hideous! And just like the ones of old. A big silvery behemoth standing in the middle of the living room.

      Hugs
      Jane

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  8. Hi Jane...that is so funny...and so true! Every bit of it is true! ha.
    I was just thinking that it is a Christmas special treat to have your smaller frequent postings (of course I miss your larger posts too....everything is enjoyable here! Hugs, Andrea

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    1. Well, thank you Andrea! I only hope that I can come up with enough ideas to make it to Christmas day!

      HUgs
      Jane

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  9. My dear, what a read! I am giggling and feeling sorry for your parents exhaustion. We didn't have swamp trees but "back in the day" the trees my parents would haul us to go and cut a tree at a farm never stood straight either. Then there was wiring it to the wall and mom constantly praying it didn't fall over. It did a few times.
    So true on sweeping up needles until Memorial Day!
    Hugs, Jen

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    1. Oh! I forgot about wiring the tree to the wall. We did that too. We even had a permanent hook in the ceiling that we used to wire the tree to. Falling Christmas trees are part of the tradition. Have a wonderful day, Jen!

      Hugs
      Jane

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  10. Maybe that's why my parents bought an aluminum tree. Jlynn

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    1. I suspect they had one too many incidents with a real tree also, Jlynn. :)

      huGS
      Jane

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  11. Dear Jane,
    I thought putting up the tree nowadays was a headache. You had it much worse! It's definitely not my favorite job as I have (ahem) a low threshold for frustration. My daughters could tell you about the year Mommy picked the tree up and chucked it across the room!
    I used to also have cozy ideas of tree trimming with my little darlings but as the last 3 Christmases have shown me they always end up squabbling and its a terrible time. This year I am going to get the tree, set it up and do 2/3 of the decorating when they aren't home, leaving just a few things for them to hang. I'm over the rest of it!
    Have a lovely day,
    Dana

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    1. Hi Dana! I knew a woman that decorated her faux tree once and put the stand on wheels. After Christmas she'd cover it in plastic and wheel it into her front closet. Come Christmastime, she just took of the plastic and wheeled it back out. Of course she had the luxury of having a closet, but otherwise it was a pretty clever idea.

      These days I just have a small pre-lit tree that I just plunk into a holder and switch on the lights. It's pretty without the ornaments, I think. At least that's my story and I'm sticking with it!

      Hugs
      Jane

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  12. Today? Lovely! and I am jealous.. we have the cold... and no snow.. just rain... boooooo!

    as ever... m

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    1. Have to admit it is nice to see snowflakes on the weather map, rather than raindrops. So far it looks like will have lots of opportunities for a white Christmas.

      Hugs
      Jane

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  13. Sorry to hear your real trees were poor experiences. Growing up in the 70's and 80's of southern Calif., Mom insisted on fake trees. My brother and i had the routine down so well that we eventually took over. Lights, ornaments, angel and finally tinsel garland. Of course, the branches would bend and twist over the years so we had to wire them to the branch above with long strands of wire.
    No, give me a real tree with that lovely pine smell. And yes, we got a few "Charlie Brown Christmas trees". But to see my children's eyes light up like those trees were the most beautiful sight...priceless!
    Thanks for the sweater recycle idea and yummy recipe.
    Blessings,
    Leslie

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    1. I'm sure your real trees are much lovelier than our 50s swamp pines. and that they make much better lights now.

      Jane

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  14. I giggled reading this post because it so reflected my childhood Christmases to a large degree. Maybe that is why I still get such a kick out of watching "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. ;) We finally resorted to buying a artificial tree for our family when I found one for half the price of real trees. I later replaced that with a prelit artificial tree that was much easier to set up. It is still sitting in the garage this year in it's bag because the cat has decided that artificial greenary makes a tasty treat to eat and then throw back up.

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    1. Hi Debbie! I think you have to be of a certain age to appreciate this post, but it looks like quite a few of us had similar experiences growing up. I wouldn't trade them for the world! Would you?

      Hugs
      Jane

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  15. We usually had a huge Scotch pine that was wrestled into the house and had to be wired to a screw on the wall so it would not tip over. And yes, it took Mom and Dad forever to string those lights before we could decorate!

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    1. I know, Isabella! We'd get so excited about decorating the tree, but it took eons before it was ready. Kids must have had more patience back then!

      Hugs
      Jane

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    2. Haha I love your story! Thanks for the memories!
      I remember Daddy cutting down a cedar tree one year; it smelled so good, but it was so prickly to hang ornaments...oh I remember the tinsel too...it was magical for me. :D We had an artificial tree for several years too, and I thought putting it together was so frustrating, matching up the color on the branch with the right hole, esp when the paint wore off.
      Your tree is lovely, and I love the fire in the stove...so cozy.

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    3. Oh I forgot all about those color marked branches on the artificial trees, Kathy! That was an adventure too. Somehow they never matched up. And you get never get the branches all stuffed back into the box to store them. Thanks for those memories, Kathy! It's amazing any of us ever carried on the Christmas tree tradition.

      HUgs
      Jane

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  16. Ha ha you have cracked me up Jane! I had almost forgotten the fun of putting up a tree back then. It was a chore for sure. No wonder Mom quit putting them up as soon as she did! I remember the tinsel we used to throw at the tree too. It wouldn't be Christmas without massive amounts of it on the tree and I'm sure on the floor too! Thanks so much for the fond memories!

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    1. I think our parents must have had more holiday spirit then we do now days, Vickie. If I had to go through all that rig-a-ma-roll, I would have went to a tabletop tree immediately. We kept a broom handy so or mom wouldn't discover that we were throwing the tinsel. Wonder if you can even buy the stuff any longer?

      Hugs
      Jane

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  17. Christmas trees were quite an experience for us, too. I vividly remember how expensive trees were--how a "nice" one could cost $40.00! And this was back in the (cough,cough) early seventies! How on earth could trees in Wisconsin have cost so much?

    All 7 of us would go out looking for a tree and invariably cost would win over beauty. "That's okay!" Mom would say, "It will be beautiful with the lights and ornaments!" And sure enough, with a judicious snip here and there of a wonky branch, it always looked pretty good.

    And so it went, year after year. One year, with no kids left at home to go tree-hunting with, Mom went by herself. I don't know if she had had a martini or two with lunch (Mom's Friday treat to herself for getting through another week, bless her), but what she picked out was about 3 feet high and 4 feet wide. It was not a tree--it was a shrub. There was no romanticizing possible--it was a SHRUB.

    When we came home from our various scattered domiciles and beheld her handiwork, we all laughed until we cried and teased Mom mercilessly. "Oh Christmas Shrub" "Rockin' Around the Christmas Shrub" "The Twelve Days of Chrismas" (3 French hens, 2 turtles doves, and partridge in a...SHRUB!). Oh, we were incredibly clever (so we imagined)! Poor mom just took it all in.

    Now she never said a word except maybe a mild protest of "That's just about enough, thank you!" but her 5 offspring poking fun from mid-December until Jan 6 pushed her to the brink...and right over. The next year, without so much as a word of warning, mom bought the first of many artificial trees. She never, to this day, has had a fresh tree in the house again. And every year she exhults over how "real" they look, and remarks, "Now that's a tree that doesn't need a single ornament to look beautiful." And we all dutifully agree, "Yes, Mom--that's a great tree!" without so much as a snicker. We all feel a little guilty, knowing what we did. Yet someone only has to remark, "Remember the Shrub?" and we fall all over ourselves laughing again.

    Loving your "post a day" Advent series,
    Sue

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    1. What a great story, Sue! Thank you for sharing it with us. When they came out with artificial trees my dad bought one straight away and always said the same things as your mother did about hers. It was the fakiest looking thing ever. But he thought it was beautiful.

      Hugs
      Jane

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  18. Dear Jane,

    Oh my, Christmas tree memories! We had a faux tree growing up, but my mother was never in the mood to decorate. When I was seven I put the tree up and decorated it myself. It was discovered at this time that I had put the branches upside down! It was quite an interesting tree, to say the least. :)

    Love,

    Marqueta

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    1. My father bought one of the first artificial Christmas trees in the 60s. It was so fake looking, I think putting the branches on upside down might have helped it. He always brought people over to look at his "real" looking tree. We were always embarrassed because it resembled a big green toilet brush!

      Hugs
      Jane

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  19. The tinsel was very thin aluminum foil. My mother mad us be very very careful draping it on the branches. We did cause we knew this was her favorite thing on the tree. Each year it would just as carefully be taken off the tree and saved over cardboard. Through the years many of trees pieces for shorter and shorter and off and on a new pack would be added. This is one of those things that would always be around but is no more. I am so glad to have found your blog again Jane. Jody/Judy

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    1. Oh my goodness, Judy! How have you been? I did take a rather long break from blogging but have been back at it for a couple of years. Hope life is treating you well. Last time we "talked" you were worried about getting your driver's license renewed. As you can see, we've joined the retired crowd now. I'm not even sure if I was even living in Michigan when we used to correspond. Time marches on! Hope you will stay in contact!

      Hugs
      Jane

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  20. I wondered all these years how you were and were you blogging someplace and just today out of the blue, found your blog. Jody/Judy

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  21. If you have my e-mail still it is the same..is yours? Let me know if you wan. I will check back here. I will only write a short note..not the books I used to..don't worry. To catch up. I have your home address as of Feb 2011. I still can't believe I found you! Please don't let any negative comments upset you. There will always be a troll lurking around some where. I have not looked at the comments 'cept for this post, but it seems you have a large following and are very well liked!! Naturally. !! :-) Are you sure there are not 48 hours to your day and only 24 for the rest of us?? You are amazing!! And aren't grandchildren the best thing ever!! :))) Jody/Judith

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    1. I don't think I still have your e-mail, Judith. Is it OK to call you Judith in my comments? GUess it must be, or you wouldn't have written it. Ha! I've been through so many computers since we last wrote. How long has it been? Anway, here's my e-mail:
      jameszempel@comcast.net. Hope to hear from you soon!

      Hugs
      Jane

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